We all sometimes feel like we need to control things.Whether it is around a specific situation or just in general.Yet the need to control is not really about controlling the things in our life.Ultimately, it is about fear.It is about the fear of what could happen.The fear of being out of control.The fear of the pain coming back that we experienced before.The need to control comes from our past trauma.It comes from that pain that was caused by something we could do nothing about.As children, we are helpless.Helpless to stop the trauma, the pain, the fear.As adults, until we process and release the trauma, we still experience the fear.And that fear leads us into the need to control.And we find all kinds of ways to control.We try to control our environment.We try to control our relationships.We try to control our work.Yet we really can't control anything, especially when other people are involved.For it is all about controlling Life, and Life can not be controlled.Life is wild.Life is unexpected.Life is chaotic.When we resist it, we only cause ourselves more pain.When we try so hard to control it and we can't, we get frustrated and upset.We believe we can control things because we need to.In order to avoid the fear, the pain.Yet truthfully, we can only control one thing.And that is our reaction to what Life brings us.Our power is in our ability to decide how we will show up in any given situation.To show up not in fear but in surrender.Not in reaction but in response.We can overcome our pain and our trauma.Yes, it takes work.Yes, it means having to face our pain.Yes, it can be scary and uncomfortable.Yet it leads to liberation.Liberation from the need to control.And surrender is ultimate tool to be free of the need to control.And acceptance to how things are allows us to surrender.
~ Sam Liebowitz, The Conscious Consultant